December 25th, 2006
|12:04 am - i dont even know if any of my friends are still on this...|
I don't know if anyone will be reading this or what, but that isnt the point. I guess i just need to vent my frustration...and any advice would be welcomed.
I went to newberry college bc i loved the atmosphere and bc i was confused about where to go for college...i really didnt want to go anyway, and since i got mroe scholarship money from there and my real dad urged me to go there, i felt obligated to go there.
somewhere along the way, the accumulation of the total culture shock of the small community, my deep depression over my crazy ex-boyfirend, and the tearing of myself into two worlds (home and college), i somehow (and quite expectedly) lost my knowledge of myself and my love of singing.
the tragedy.(ok...over dramatic i know, but still...)
I have lost any idea of what i want and how to get it and i am just LOST. I used to love singing but now it is all technique, and i feel like i am not even doing the right technique. I cant PERFORM anymore. and frankly, the lack of motivation i feel from my peers brings me right down with them.
so i want to leave. i want to come back home and go to ga state where i KNOW i would get great experience and advisement. i would be among dedicated individuals wishing to be the very best. but i dont want to WAIT i want to go now...and i know that it isnt even possible...or is it?
i guess i will apply as a transfer, despite the long road i will be taking to acutally graduate now that most of my credits wont even transfer. i just hope that i wont be completely lost at gsu like i am at newberry.
so. anyone out there...any advice?
Current Mood: confused
January 4th, 2006
|11:29 am - last day of break|
the end is never fun when it leaves no anticipation of a new, better beginning. it has been forever since i have been on this stupid thing.
my life has changed so much in just these past few months, and when i actually think back to an EXACT year ago...i am astounded. what a whirlwind i have been caught up in. high emotions, jealousy, uncertainty, love, hate, infatuation, confusion, depression, euphoria, ecstasy...around and around and around...up and down. suicidal threats and attempts. betrayal and infidelity.
and all i can account for it now it a numb sense of pain. i am lost as to what i should do, how i should feel, so i go on each day doing what i "must" with no idea of a goal to reach. i have lost a light in me. i just dont care much anymore. one single tear falls down my cheek at this moment and i cant even figure out why it should.
i am such a mess.
i am lost. a lost, lonely little girl.
i spend much time with friends bc sitting at home makes me unhappy and alone.
i wont have a roommate next semester, so i will be alone then, too. and this time, i will really have no one there. but i guess it is for the best.
December 31st, 2005
|03:19 pm - this year's confessions|
I confess that in 2005 i...
( ) stayed single the whole year.
( ) got your first kiss
(x) kissed someone new
( ) made-out for the first time
(x) made-out in/on a car
( ) kissed in the snow
(x) kissed in the rain
(x) fell in love
(x) fell in love with a fool
(x) had your heart broken
(x) broke someone else's heart
( ) had a stalker
(x) had a good relationship with someone
( ) questioned your sexual orientation
( ) came out of the closet
( ) gotten pregnant
( )gotten someone else pregnant
( ) had an abortion
( ) gotten married
( ) had a divorce
( ) had a gay marriage
(x) dated someone you'll never forget
(x) done something you've regretted
( ) lost your true love
(x) lost faith in love
( ) kissed under mistletoe
( ) got a promotion
( ) got a pay raise
( ) changed jobs
( ) lost your job
(x) quit your job
( ) dated a co-worker
( ) dated your boss
( ) dated your boss' daughter/son
( ) got fired from your job
(x) got straight A's
(x) met one teacher you really like
(x) met one teacher you really hated
(x) found the subject you love
( ) failed a class
(x) cut class / work
(x) skipped school
( ) got into a fight with a classmate
(x) did something you were proud of
(x) discovered a new talent
(x) gave the teachers a reason to teach
(x) proved yourself an idiot
(x) embaressed yourself in front of the class
( ) had a crush on a teacher
(x) got a lead in the school play
( ) made a varsity team
(x) were involved in something you'll never forget
( ) painted a picture
(x) wrote a poem
(x) ran a mile
(x) listened to music you couldn't stand
(x) went to a sleepover
( ) went to camp
(x) threw a surprise party
(x) laughed till you cried
( ) laughed till you peed in your pants
(x) flirted shamelessly
( ) visited a foreign country
( ) visited a foreign state
(x) cooked a disasterous meal
(x) lost something important to you
(x) got a gift you adore
(x) realized something new about yourself
(x) went on a diet
( ) tried to gain weight
(x) dyed your hair
( ) came close to losing your life
( ) someone close to you died
(x)went to a party
(x) drank alchohol
(x) drank alchohol underage
( ) did (a) drug(s)
(x) got drunk
( ) got arrested
(x) read a great book
(x) saw a great movie
(x) saw a movie so scary that it made you cry
( )saw your favorite band/artist live
( ) saw someone famous in person.
(x) did something you want to tell everyone
( ) Enjoyed this year overall.
November 11th, 2005
You are all-around smart. Essentially, that means that you are a good combination of your own knowledge and experience, along with having learned through instruction - and you are equally as good with theoretical things as you are with real-world, applied things. You have a well-rounded brain.
20% applied intelligence
0% learned intelligence
Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com
October 29th, 2005
|10:52 am - YAY!!!!|
I get to see CARMINA BURANA and the FOX tonight!!! awwww...clay j gray is the best :)
October 12th, 2005
|03:29 pm - ATTENTION|
I am heading home for thurday, friday, saturday, and leaving SUNDAY. so, please give me a call if you would like to see me, as there are many of YOU who i would love to see!
404 661 4831
September 21st, 2005
|You are a |
You are best described as a:
Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid
September 20th, 2005
|09:24 pm - wow its been too long|
i have to be on totaly vocal rest for two weeks because i have nodes.
so ya. that's my life right now.
August 15th, 2005
Take the quiz: "Which Victoria's Secret Angel are you?"
You are nice, trendy, and love to have fun!
August 14th, 2005
Im so bored. i have to pack but am afraid to do so bc i dont want to pack sumthing and then have to get it out in the next couple of days...mehhhh its no fun.